X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@fathersonline.org Delivered-To: info@fathersonline.org Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3F169DEB50 for ; Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:06:01 +1100 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 23104-05 for ; Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:05:48 +1100 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 203.16.214.140 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=203.16.214.140; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=ipmail01.adl2.internode.on.net; Received: from ipmail01.adl2.internode.on.net (ipmail01.adl2.internode.on.net [203.16.214.140]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id C8C76DEB54 for ; Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:05:46 +1100 (EST) Received: from eth5890.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net (HELO polyglot.com.au) ([59.167.240.1]) by ipmail01.adl2.internode.on.net with ESMTP; 28 Jan 2007 08:35:44 +1030 X-IronPort-AV: i="4.13,246,1167571800"; d="scan'208,217"; a="79844758:sNHT275688567" Received: from server ([192.168.1.10]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:03:30 +1100 Thread-Topic: Smiling Children Reply-To: Message-ID: <225c001c7425e$fae2b8f0$0a01a8c0@polyglot.local> thread-index: AcdCXvrdkLsJnBYETgywUfthk0OxQg== From: To: Subject: Smiling Children Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:03:30 +1100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_225C1_01C742BB.2E5330F0" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2826 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 27 Jan 2007 22:03:30.0687 (UTC) FILETIME=[FAE2B8F0:01C7425E] X-TM-AS-Product-Ver: SMEX-7.2.0.1122-3.6.1039-14960.000 X-TM-AS-Result: No--5.098800-5.000000-1 X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au X-NAS-BWL: Found match for 'info@fathersonline.org' on the allowed list (2174 addresses, 0 domains) X-NAS-Classification: 0 X-NAS-MessageID: 8801 X-NAS-Validation: {FF825B7A-B161-40BD-90F8-3582DAE91A1E} This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_225C1_01C742BB.2E5330F0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 Unable to read this email? Please click here =20 =20 Issue 232 - 29th January, 2007 Go to our website Here =20 =20 * Hello Alison * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads=20 * Special Feature * Thought of the Week * All You Need is Love * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Alison =20 I trust you have had a great time with friends and family over the Australia Day weekend. It is good to see the Australian flag making a comeback along with a stronger belief in ourselves as a nation. It just so happens that's what I want to talk to you about today.=20 =20 Every dad must believe in himself. His children certainly do. I have just the right book that can help you believe in yourself. My good friend, Richard Hardy, sent me a copy of 'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and Simon Rose =A9 2005, Simon & Schuster. It contains the answers to such tricky questions as, "Dad I'm bored!?", "Where do babies come from?", "Are we there yet?" and a 1001 games, puzzles, tricks, jokes, trivia, important facts and fun things to do with everyday objects. Steve and Simon's humorous introduction gives us an idea of the content of the book: =20 "As your children evolve from babies into kids, they cease seeing you merely as a supplier of powdered mild and nappies and acquire an interest in your bottomless fund of knowledge and experience. Almost from the moment they begin to talk, kids are asking questions. Questions to which you, no longer just their father but now their Dad, are expected to have instant, accurate, relevant and entertaining answers. =20 And this is the problem. When our kids expect us to know everything, we really can't disappoint them. That can wait until their late teenage years, when they'll come to believe that everything we ever told them was either misguided nonsense or a cunningly constructed farrago of mistruths calculated to repress their freedom of expression. =20 Until that fateful day, we have their full attention. We owe it to them, as well as to the whole of Dadkind, to preserve the myth that Dads are infallible, all-knowing, and as near omnipotent as a mortal can be. =20 We need to be able to fix their toys when they break, cheer them up when they're down, entertain them when they're bored, educate them when they're curious, and enlighten them when they're confused. We need to be able to juggle, to tie knots, to identify trees, and to do magic. We need to know why the sky is blue, why you can't dig a hole right through the earth and what to do in a thunderstorm. =20 Above all, Dads need to be able to make childhood fun. Whether it's keeping them going on car journeys or organising games to play in the park, a Dad should be an endless resource of ideas and inspiration. =20 None of us are perfect Dads, much as we'd like to be. And while Mums have an established tradition of comparing notes, medical histories and intimate details of their relationships, Dads - by nature reserved and tight-lipped - have no such support group. We need a book to help us become the paragons to which we all aspire. Until we find it, this one will have to do." 'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and Simon Rose =A9 2005, Simon & Schuster www.angusrobertson.com.au www.dymocks.com.au =20 =20 Can you remember those beautiful words we talked about last year: love, laugh, listen and learn? Our children are doing this full time. We have to work hard to keep up, but it keeps us young in the process. 'Dad Stuff' is one of those indispensable books for fathers or grandfathers that will put a smile on your face and more importantly on your children's faces. =20 Yours for smiling children Warwick Marsh PS Do you know of anyone who can help us? =20 For the past 12 months we at the Fatherhood Foundation have been searching for office premises. We need area in which to grow our office team and space for our associated TV production arm. =20 We have been looking at renting office space but cannot find the right property at the right price and believe it might be a better idea for us to buy a property/office unit. We are looking for people who would be interested in loaning to the Fatherhood Foundation - we need $60,000 at no interest for five years as we do not have the cash deposit for such a purchase. Loan repayments on our own property will be less than rental of a property. =20 If anyone, who would like to see the Fatherhood Foundation firmly established in its own premises, can help us please phone Warwick on 02 4272 6677, 0418 225 212 or email: info@fathersonline.org =20 =20 ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top=20 =20 Grandads =20 =20 What's so 'speshul' about Grand-Parenting? Initially, for me, it was a bit of a shock. I had not yet reached 50. Grandfathers you see must be at least 70 and well retired. Well that was almost 25 years ago and I am now 'Grand' Father to 9 children ranging in age from 24 to 8 years. =20 One major lesson I have learned is that to be a good 'parent', graduating as a grandparent first would be a great help; an impossible idea I know, yet I have learned more as a grandfather than I ever did as a regular DAD. This arises mainly from the more 'speshul' and extended times available to relate to these children individually and at family events, collectively. (At these latter events this 'Pa' has gained the dubious reputation of taking an after dinner nap.) Another plus is that young children, at least up to the age of 11, do not recognise that you are 'old'. =20 One other feature of grand-parenting that you learn is that children are very (very) observant. It matters not whether you are gardening or undertaking some carpentry project. They just want to assist. It may be inconvenient but the sense of achievement they get that they have helped their 'Pa' in the garden, held or fetched tools or tried hammering in a nail, is for them, rewarding. Developing from this kind of interaction grows a mutual regard from an early age, building the bridge that provides respect and esteem, to enable later sharing even the most confidential of more adult communication. =20 Grand-children are also most encouraged by grand-parents attending school and sporting events. They are moreover, very keen to learn about the childhood experiences of their own parents. AND yes the escapades of our own, more ancient, childhood. =20 A long standing family tradition involving this ?Pa? is story telling. Again this seems to hold true until early teenage years. My role has been to devise 'once upon a time yarns' embracing three objects usually - animal, vegetable and mineral. Their task is to dream up the most unlikely combination of items. =20 Recently the selection -an open window, electricity and a grain of salt, almost had me foxed. Yet an acceptable story unfolded where I was the mad scientist who had escaped a massive explosion when focussed lightning was used to 'split' the energy contained in the grain of salt. Being a hero to grand-children is energy to the soul. =20 Neil E. Ryan ne_ryan@bigpond.net.au=20 back to top=20 =20 Laughter A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. =20 "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.=20 "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in the=20 Dandenongs, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a=20 young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker=20 and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out=20 his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the living daylights out of=20 all of you! =20 "St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" =20 "Just a couple of minutes ago."=20 =20 back to top=20 =20 Single Dads=20 =20 Congratulations, you are amongst the first to read Tony Miller's introduction to his new book, 'His, Hers and the Truth', an autobiography about Tony's journey and the work he has founded, 'dads in distress'. We look forward to Tony's book being published later in the year and wish him all the best with it. We are sure it will encourage and inspire many fathers and families across the world. =20 Tony would appreciate your comments. Please send them to: tmiller@nor.com.au =20 =20 His, Hers and the Truth (Pt 2) By Tony Miller =20 =20 I am pleased watching my guys surround this newcomer, this truckie, offering a cup of coffee, a biscuit but more importantly mateship, true mateship. I wander over and one of the men puts his arm over my shoulder and gives me a hug and asks me if I'm OK. 'Sure, look at what's happening,' I say, as I nod my head towards the newcomer. He is surrounded now with guys telling him, "Hey, I know how you feel. What are you doing tomorrow? How about catching up over a coffee? Do you play sports, golf maybe? Its ok mate I know how you feel, you see, we have all been there." =20 I feel good; my guys are doing their work. They are making plans with this newcomer, they are being mates, something, sadly, this country has lost the art of. We were once famous for our mateship but somewhere along the way we have lost it. Now, right here we are learning to practise it once again. And I'm proud to be a part of that. The newcomer is surrounded by lifesavers, in the true sense of the word. He doesn't know it yet, but he most likely will become one himself. He is in good hands and by the time we resume the second half of our meeting called 'the check out', the newcomer's whole demeanour has changed. He now has mates: mates who will listen, not judge, just listen and who will continue to be mates, no matter what you say. =20 'Check out' is normally quick and is simply 'How Do You Feel Now?', before you go home. Each guy has a turn and it can be just one word, although rarely is. How do you feel? We want to know so our facilitator and his helpers can zone in on anything anyone's carrying in case they may need a follow up before the next meeting. Everyone except the newcomer seems OK. He says he is worried he may find the courage but makes a commitment to be at the next meeting. I am satisfied he will be as he is meeting for a coffee with one of my lifesavers the next day. I know he will be OK. Call it intuition, call it what you like. I know my guys and they will make sure this guy is covered. All is OK and we have saved another life, that I am sure of. =20 I guess at this stage I had better introduce myself. My name is Tony Miller and I am the Founder of a group called dads in distress Inc (dids). Dads in distress is a dedicated support group of men whose immediate concern is to stem the present trend of male suicide due to the trauma of divorce or separation. In this country alone we lose 5 males a day to suicide, the highest at-risk group being males going through divorce or separation. =20 Our motto in 'dids' is: There are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth - and somewhere on the journey we come to that truth. It can be a painful experience but extremely empowering once you have gotten there. =20 Since you are reading this I am about to take you on a journey. A sad one in most cases, but one never-the-less one that needs to be taken. I will introduce you to my world. That of a dad in distress, a 'did'. This is not a self help book although you may find help within the pages. If you are a dad in distress you will no doubt find yourself somewhere in the pages of this book. If you are a mum in distress you may also, as we have now formed that group as well. You see it's about understanding. It's about relationship. It's about putting our children first. It's about realising there are no winners in divorce or separation, especially our children. =20 On this journey you are going to meet lots of people, both male and female, parent and grandparent, brother and sister, rich and famous, poor and downtrodden. These are the people I meet, day-in day-out, either in person, on the phone, or via email or letter. I would like to give you an insight into my life and those I have met on my journey. It's a wonderful journey, sad at times, funny at times but most of all it is a beautiful insight into some real Australian mates. =20 One minute I am sitting in a meeting with a group of dads in distress and the next I am lobbying politicians in Canberra. One minute I am on the Registrar's Advisory Panel to the Child Support Agency in Canberra and the next on the Reference Group to the Ministerial Taskforce investigating the Child Support Agency. I am often called upon for television or radio interviews on the subject of fatherlessness although it's often called under a different name. Reform?. Reform of the CSA or reform of Family Law. I travel the country opening groups, addressing the public on the issues facing fathers. =20 I am no expert. Firstly and foremost, I am simply a dad in distress. A dad wanting fairness to come about in a system that is so unfair. I smoke, I drink and I was a drug abuser. I have been married three times. I have five beautiful children from two of those marriages whom I adore. I have attempted suicide more than once. I have suffered depression, as have my children. I am adopted and have three real sisters who I rarely see and one sister and two brothers from my adopted family. I was sexually abused as a child and as I have recently discovered, so were my sisters.=20 =20 I am often on the road, opening groups or calling in on a dad in distress. Most often when people hear what I do, they cannot help but recount their story or that of their brother, uncle, friend, father or whoever. Sometimes when people ask what I do, I tell them I?m a plumber and hope they have no plumbing problems to ask me about. Sometimes I just need to get away from it. I fall into depression just like anyone else. Sometimes it takes a while to dig myself out. But I do and that's what this book is about. =20 While I am writing this my ten year old son and his mate are asleep on the couch in front of the TV, Spongebob Squarepants is playing on the box. My son's chest is rising up and down with his every breath. I stand there just watching him. You know, that's what it's about: our kids. I don't know about you, but my life other then 'dids', is about my kids. It's about leaving them a legacy. It's about not having them go through the traumas I have and those of others I hear. That's why I do what I do. =20 Tony Miller tmiller@nor.com.au=20 back to top=20 =20 Special Feature Dad Stuff - Steve Caplin and Simon Rose =A9 2005, Simon & Schuster Quick-fire puzzles =20 Some of these simply require thinking through: with others, you'll need to allow your children to ask questions so you can guide them towards the correct solution. Feel free to give as many clues as you like! =20 Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? Mount Everest. =20 What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters? Short. =20 Removing tonsils is a tonsillectomy. Removing an appendix is an appendectomy. What do you call it when a growth is removed from your head? A haircut. =20 You're in a race. Almost at the tape, you overtake the person who's second. What position do you finish? Second. =20 If two's company and three's a crowd, then what's four and five? Nine. =20 What invention lets you see through walls? A window. =20 How much earth in cubic feet is there in a hole 1 metre by 1 metre? None. It's a hole. =20 It's cold and you're hungry. You have only one match. In a room in your cabin is an oil lamp, a wood-burning stove and a candle. What do you light first? The match. =20 There are five apples in a basket and five people in the room. How can you give an apple to each one and have one apple remain in the basket? You give the basket with one apple in it to the last person. =20 If three cats can kill three rats in three minutes, how long will it take 100 cats to kill 100 rats? Three minutes. =20 What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. =20 What do you call a deer with no eyes that's not moving? Still no idea. =20 back to top=20 =20 Thought of the Week =20 =20 =20 Above all,=20 Dads need to be able to make=20 childhood fun . . .=20 a dad should be an endless resource=20 of ideas and inspiration. =20 Steve Caplin & Simon Rose Authors of 'Dad Stuff' =A9 2005 Simon & Schuster UK back to top=20 =20 All You Need is Love =20 Reader's Digest Survey Reveals Surprising Results:=20 Marriage Isn't Broken and Laughter is More Important Than Sex =20 =20 NEW YORK, Jan. 11, 2007=20 =20 Reader's Digest today announced results of a survey that reveals that despite the soaring divorce rate, Americans are hopeful and optimistic about their marriages. Survey findings can be found online at http://www.RD.com and throughout The 7 Stages of Marriage, a new book written by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., and Sari Harrar that offers couples caring, honest, straight-forward advice about how to improve their relationships. =20 "The Reader's Digest survey supports the notion that married couples are happier in their relationships since they no longer have to be married as they did several decades ago," said DeMaria. "Because people now marry for love and companionship, those that are married are typically more fulfilled in their unions." =20 Finding 1: Marriage Isn't Broken - When the 1,001 married people surveyed were asked if they would marry their spouse all over again, 71% agreed they would. - 62% of respondents said "I love my spouse even more than when we were first married." - 61% of respondents married for 21 years or more find their marriage is better than the typical American marriage. =20 Finding 2: Laughter is More Important Than Sex When husbands and wives chose the factors most important for a good marriage from a list of options, the following items rose to the top - and fell to the bottom: =20 - Trust 63% - Time spent talking, laughing, having fun 52% - Compatibility 30% - Quality of Sex 13% - Frequency of Sex 9% =20 Finding 3: Guys Get Mushy About Marriage Too In the survey, participants were asked to write verbatim answers to questions regarding their marriage. In reviewing the hundreds of responses from men, researchers were struck at the preponderance of highly emotional, positive and sensitive responses. The comments were in strong contrast to common stereotypes of men as emotionally detached. When asked to describe their most cherished marriage moments, men said: - "Kissing in the Snow." - "The look of joy and happiness on her face as she came toward me at the altar." - "The first and every time we make love." - "I can't believe how lucky I am to have the woman of my dreams. I cherish every moment of every day that I'm with her." =20 Finding 4: Being Married Has Its Perks - Infidelity is not a challenge most married couples face according to the survey: When asked to choose from a list of challenges experienced while married, "buying a new home" was noted as a challenge by 55% of respondents making it the most popular answer while "infidelity" was at the bottom of the list at 13%. =20 - Women are funnier than their husbands expected at the start of their union: 47% of men said their wives' sense of humour is "better than expected." =20 - When asked to choose from a list of things they miss from when they were single including "being more adventurous sexually," "living by my own rules" and "dating," men and women said "nothing at all" most often (41%). =20 =20 Survey findings can be found in The 7 Stages of Marriage (12/28/06, $25.95, ISBN: 0-7621-0725-1). Additionally, visit the Love Channel at http://www.RD.com to read the full survey results, take a quiz to determine what stage your marriage is in, watch video, and get personal advice from co-author and marriage therapist Rita DeMaria Ph.D. RD.com will also feature marriage-building exercises, polls, and daily tips on marriage and other relationship topics. The February issue of Reader's Digest, on newsstands January 23, will feature excerpts from the book. =20 * The Reader's Digest Marriage Survey was an independent survey of men and women conducted online between 2/10/06 and 2/24/06. Survey respondents were married and age 18+. back to top=20 =20 News & Info =20 =20 =20 Father of all Mix ups =20 =20 But how many times does it happen ? =20 http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21103431-2,00.html =20 _________________________________________________________ Dads in Distress in conjunction with the Child Support Agency will be holding an open forum and information night on the new child support changes (Parkinson Report) this coming Tuesday night (30th January 2007) at St Michael's Catholic School in the main school hall (20 North St NOWRA) at 7pm.=20 =20 This is a must for any one who is unsure of how these changes may affect or benefit them, or to inquire on ones own circumstances etc. =20 =20 Everyone is welcome to attend. Light refreshments available on the night. =20 For more information please contact, David Simister (dids NOWRA) 04127 99981 =20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * =20 The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with men, either individually or in groups. =20 The training course focuses on: * exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on men's personal and family relationships * exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men's lives * the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality in relationships * the changing male social and work-related roles * the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural issues * exploring the challenges when providing support services for men =20 To register: =20 To obtain an application form for this training, call Training Program at Burnside on 02 9843 6200 or email training@burnside.org.au or visit the web site on www.burnside.org.au and follow the prompts to Resources and Training. back to top=20 =20 Dad's Prayer =20 =20 =20 Dear God =20 Well this seems to be a pretty tall order; All this Dad Stuff talk about Dad's being an endless resource of ideas and inspiration. That seems impossible to me! I don't have an endless resource of ideas and inspiration for my own life, let alone my children's lives ... What did you say?? =20 'With man this is impossible=20 but with God nothing is impossible!' =20 Well I guess that's why=20 I'm talking to you. To pull this one off, I need all the help I can get. back to top=20 =20 Help Us Click here for more information about us =20 Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.=20 Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund=20 (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558=20 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top=20 Click Here to Unsubscribe =20 ------=_NextPart_000_225C1_01C742BB.2E5330F0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Fatherhood Foundation
Unable to read this email? Please click here
Issue 232 - 29th January, 2007 Go to our website Here


Hello Alison

 

I trust you have had a great time with friends and family over the Australia Day weekend. It is good to see the Australian flag making a comeback along with a stronger belief in ourselves as a nation. It just so happens that's what I want to talk to you about today.

 

Every dad must believe in himself. His children certainly do. I have just the right book that can help you believe in yourself.  My good friend, Richard Hardy, sent me a copy of 'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and Simon Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster. It contains the answers to such tricky questions as, "Dad I'm bored!?", "Where do babies come from?", "Are we there yet?" and a 1001 games, puzzles, tricks, jokes, trivia, important facts and fun things to do with everyday objects. Steve and Simon's humorous introduction gives us an idea of the content of the book:

 

"As your children evolve from babies into kids, they cease seeing you merely as a supplier of powdered mild and nappies and acquire an interest in your bottomless fund of knowledge and experience. Almost from the moment they begin to talk, kids are asking questions. Questions to which you, no longer just their father but now their Dad, are expected to have instant, accurate, relevant and entertaining answers.

 

And this is the problem. When our kids expect us to know everything, we really can't disappoint them. That can wait until their late teenage years, when they'll come to believe that everything we ever told them was either misguided nonsense or a cunningly constructed farrago of mistruths calculated to repress their freedom of expression.

 

Until that fateful day, we have their full attention. We owe it to them, as well as to the whole of Dadkind, to preserve the myth that Dads are infallible, all-knowing, and as near omnipotent as a mortal can be.

 

We need to be able to fix their toys when they break, cheer them up when they're down, entertain them when they're bored, educate them when they're curious, and enlighten them when they're confused. We need to be able to juggle, to tie knots, to identify trees, and to do magic. We need to know why the sky is blue, why you can't dig a hole right through the earth and what to do in a thunderstorm.

 

Above all, Dads need to be able to make childhood fun. Whether it's keeping them going on car journeys or organising games to play in the park, a Dad should be an endless resource of ideas and inspiration.

 

None of us are perfect Dads, much as we'd like to be. And while Mums have an established tradition of comparing notes, medical histories and intimate details of their relationships, Dads - by nature reserved and tight-lipped - have no such support group. We need a book to help us become the paragons to which we all aspire. Until we find it, this one will have to do."

'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and Simon Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster

www.angusrobertson.com.au     www.dymocks.com.au  

 

Can you remember those beautiful words we talked about last year: love, laugh, listen and learn? Our children are doing this full time. We have to work hard to keep up, but it keeps us young in the process. 'Dad Stuff' is one of those indispensable books for fathers or grandfathers that will put a smile on your face and more importantly on your children's faces.

 

Yours for smiling children

Warwick Marsh

PS Do you know of anyone who can help us?

 

For the past 12 months we at the Fatherhood Foundation have been searching for office premises. We need area in which to grow our office team and space for our associated TV production arm.

 

We have been looking at renting office space but cannot find the right property at the right price and believe it might be a better idea for us to buy a property/office unit. We are looking for people who would be interested in loaning to the Fatherhood Foundation - we need $60,000 at no interest for five years as we do not have the cash deposit for such a purchase. Loan repayments on our own property will be less than rental of a property.

 

If anyone, who would like to see the Fatherhood Foundation firmly established in its own premises, can help us please phone Warwick on 02 4272 6677, 0418 225 212 or email: info@fathersonline.org  

  

 ___________________________________________________________


Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

 

What's so 'speshul' about Grand-Parenting?

Initially, for me, it was a bit of a shock. I had not yet reached 50. Grandfathers you see must be at least 70 and well retired. Well that was almost 25 years ago and I am now 'Grand' Father to 9 children ranging in age from 24 to 8 years.

 

One major lesson I have learned is that to be a good 'parent', graduating as a grandparent first would be a great help; an impossible idea I know, yet I have learned more as a grandfather than I ever did as a regular DAD.  This arises mainly from the more 'speshul' and extended times available to relate to these children individually and at family events, collectively.

(At these latter events this 'Pa' has gained the dubious reputation of taking an after dinner nap.) Another plus is that young children, at least up to the age of 11, do not recognise that you are 'old'.

 

One other feature of grand-parenting that you learn is that children are very (very) observant. It matters not whether you are gardening or undertaking some carpentry project. They just want to assist. It may be inconvenient but the sense of achievement they get that they have helped their 'Pa' in the garden, held or fetched tools or tried hammering in a nail, is for them, rewarding. Developing from this kind of interaction grows a mutual regard from an early age, building the bridge that provides respect and esteem, to enable later sharing even the most confidential of more adult communication.

 

Grand-children are also most encouraged by grand-parents attending school and sporting events. They are moreover, very keen to learn about the childhood experiences of their own parents. AND yes the escapades of our own, more ancient, childhood.

 

A long standing family tradition involving this ?Pa? is story telling. Again this seems to hold true until early teenage years. My role has been to devise 'once upon a time yarns' embracing three objects usually - animal, vegetable and mineral. Their task is to dream up the most unlikely combination of items.

 

Recently the selection -an open window, electricity and a grain of salt, almost had me foxed. Yet an acceptable story unfolded where I was the mad scientist who had escaped a massive explosion when focussed lightning was used to 'split' the energy contained in the grain of salt.

 

Being a hero to grand-children is energy to the soul.

 

Neil E. Ryan

ne_ryan@bigpond.net.au

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Laughter

 A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
 
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. 

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in the 
 Dandenongs,
 I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a 
 young woman.
 I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
 So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker 
and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out 
his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
 I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the living daylights out of 
 all of you!
 
"St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
 
"Just a couple of minutes ago." 
 

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Single Dads

 

Congratulations, you are amongst the first to read Tony Miller's introduction to his new book, 'His, Hers and the Truth', an autobiography about Tony's journey and the work he has founded, 'dads in distress'.  We look forward to Tony's book being published later in the year and wish him all the best with it. We are sure it will encourage and inspire many fathers and families across the world.

 

Tony would appreciate your comments. Please send them to: tmiller@nor.com.au  

 

His, Hers and the Truth (Pt 2)

By Tony Miller

 

I am pleased watching my guys surround this newcomer, this truckie, offering a cup of coffee, a biscuit but more importantly mateship, true mateship. I wander over and one of the men puts his arm over my shoulder and gives me a hug and asks me if I'm OK. 'Sure, look at what's happening,' I say, as I nod my head towards the newcomer. He is surrounded now with guys telling him, "Hey, I know how you feel. What are you doing tomorrow? How about catching up over a coffee? Do you play sports, golf maybe? Its ok mate I know how you feel, you see, we have all been there."

 

I feel good; my guys are doing their work. They are making plans with this newcomer, they are being mates, something, sadly, this country has lost the art of. We were once famous for our mateship but somewhere along the way we have lost it. Now, right here we are learning to practise it once again. And I'm proud to be a part of that. The newcomer is surrounded by lifesavers, in the true sense of the word. He doesn't know it yet, but he most likely will become one himself. He is in good hands and by the time we resume the second half of our meeting called 'the check out', the newcomer's whole demeanour has changed. He now has mates: mates who will listen, not judge, just listen and who will continue to be mates, no matter what you say.

 

'Check out' is normally quick and is simply 'How Do You Feel Now?', before you go home. Each guy has a turn and it can be just one word, although rarely is. How do you feel? We want to know so our facilitator and his helpers can zone in on anything anyone's carrying in case they may need a follow up before the next meeting. Everyone except the newcomer seems OK. He says he is worried he may find the courage but makes a commitment to be at the next meeting. I am satisfied he will be as he is meeting for a coffee with one of my lifesavers the next day. I know he will be OK. Call it intuition, call it what you like. I know my guys and they will make sure this guy is covered. All is OK and we have saved another life, that I am sure of.

 

I guess at this stage I had better introduce myself. My name is Tony Miller and I am the Founder of a group called dads in distress Inc (dids). Dads in distress is a dedicated support group of men whose immediate concern is to stem the present trend of male suicide due to the trauma of divorce or separation. In this country alone we lose 5 males a day to suicide, the highest at-risk group being males going through divorce or separation.

 

Our motto in 'dids' is: There are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth  - and somewhere on the journey we come to that truth. It can be a painful experience but extremely empowering once you have gotten there.

 

Since you are reading this I am about to take you on a journey. A sad one in most cases, but one never-the-less one that needs to be taken. I will introduce you to my world. That of a dad in distress, a 'did'. This is not a self help book although you may find help within the pages. If you are a dad in distress you will no doubt find yourself somewhere in the pages of this book. If you are a mum in distress you may also, as we have now formed that group as well. You see it's about understanding. It's about relationship. It's about putting our children first. It's about realising there are no winners in divorce or separation, especially our children.

 

On this journey you are going to meet lots of people, both male and female, parent and grandparent, brother and sister, rich and famous, poor and downtrodden. These are the people I meet, day-in day-out, either in person, on the phone, or via email or letter. I would like to give you an insight into my life and those I have met on my journey. It's a wonderful journey, sad at times, funny at times but most of all it is a beautiful insight into some real Australian mates.

 

One minute I am sitting in a meeting with a group of dads in distress and the next I am lobbying politicians in Canberra. One minute I am on the Registrar's Advisory Panel to the Child Support Agency in Canberra and the next on the Reference Group to the Ministerial Taskforce investigating the Child Support Agency. I am often called upon for television or radio interviews on the subject of fatherlessness although it's often called under a different name. Reform?. Reform of the CSA or reform of Family Law. I travel the country opening groups, addressing the public on the issues facing fathers.

 

I am no expert. Firstly and foremost, I am simply a dad in distress. A dad wanting fairness to come about in a system that is so unfair. I smoke, I drink and I was a drug abuser. I have been married three times. I have five beautiful children from two of those marriages whom I adore. I have attempted suicide more than once. I have suffered depression, as have my children. I am adopted and have three real sisters who I rarely see and one sister and two brothers from my adopted family. I was sexually abused as a child and as I have recently discovered, so were my sisters.

 

I am often on the road, opening groups or calling in on a dad in distress. Most often when people hear what I do, they cannot help but recount their story or that of their brother, uncle, friend, father or whoever. Sometimes when people ask what I do, I tell them I?m a plumber and hope they have no plumbing problems to ask me about. Sometimes I just need to get away from it. I fall into depression just like anyone else. Sometimes it takes a while to dig myself out. But I do and that's what this book is about.

 

While I am writing this my ten year old son and his mate are asleep on the couch in front of the TV, Spongebob Squarepants is playing on the box. My son's chest is rising up and down with his every breath. I stand there just watching him. You know, that's what it's about: our kids. I don't know about you, but my life other then 'dids', is about my kids. It's about leaving them a legacy. It's about not having them go through the traumas I have and those of others I hear. That's why I do what I do.

 

Tony Miller

tmiller@nor.com.au

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Special Feature

Dad Stuff - Steve Caplin and Simon Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster

Quick-fire puzzles

 

Some of these simply require thinking through: with others, you'll need to allow your children to ask questions so you can guide them towards the correct solution. Feel free to give as many clues as you like!

 

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

Mount Everest.

 

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters?

Short.

 

Removing tonsils is a tonsillectomy. Removing an appendix is an appendectomy. What do you call it when a growth is removed from your head?

A haircut.

 

You're in a race. Almost at the tape, you overtake the person who's second. What position do you finish?

Second.

 

If two's company and three's a crowd, then what's four and five?

Nine.

 

What invention lets you see through walls?

A window.

 

How much earth in cubic feet is there in a hole 1 metre by 1 metre?

None. It's a hole.

 

It's cold and you're hungry. You have only one match. In a room in your cabin is an oil lamp, a wood-burning stove and a candle. What do you light first?

The match.

 

There are five apples in a basket and five people in the room. How can you give an apple to each one and have one apple remain in the basket?

You give the basket with one apple in it to the last person.

 

If three cats can kill three rats in three minutes, how long will it take 100 cats to kill 100 rats?

Three minutes.

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes that's not moving?

Still no idea.

 

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Thought of the Week

 

Above all,

Dads need to be able to make

childhood fun . . .

a dad should be an endless resource

of ideas and inspiration.

 

Steve Caplin & Simon Rose

Authors of  'Dad Stuff' © 2005 Simon & Schuster UK

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All You Need is Love

 

Reader's Digest Survey Reveals Surprising Results:

Marriage Isn't Broken and

Laughter is More Important Than Sex

 

NEW YORK, Jan. 11, 2007

 

Reader's Digest today announced results of a survey that reveals that despite the soaring divorce rate, Americans are hopeful and optimistic about their marriages. Survey findings can be found online at http://www.RD.com  and throughout The 7 Stages of Marriage, a new book written by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., and Sari Harrar that offers couples caring, honest, straight-forward advice about how to improve their relationships.

 

"The Reader's Digest survey supports the notion that married couples are happier in their relationships since they no longer have to be married as they did several decades ago," said DeMaria. "Because people now marry for love and companionship, those that are married are typically more fulfilled in their unions."

 

Finding 1: Marriage Isn't Broken

- When the 1,001 married people surveyed were asked if they would marry their spouse all over again, 71% agreed they would.

- 62% of respondents said "I love my spouse even more than when we were first married."

- 61% of respondents married for 21 years or more find their marriage is better than the typical American marriage.

 

Finding 2: Laughter is More Important Than Sex

When husbands and wives chose the factors most important for a good marriage from a list of options, the following items rose to the top - and fell to the bottom:

 

- Trust                                                          63%

- Time spent talking, laughing, having fun            52%

- Compatibility                                                30%

- Quality of Sex                                              13%

- Frequency of Sex                                           9%

 

Finding 3: Guys Get Mushy About Marriage Too

In the survey, participants were asked to write verbatim answers to questions regarding their marriage. In reviewing the hundreds of responses from men, researchers were struck at the preponderance of highly emotional, positive and sensitive responses. The comments were in strong contrast to common stereotypes of men as emotionally detached. When asked to describe their most cherished marriage moments, men said:

- "Kissing in the Snow."

- "The look of joy and happiness on her face as she came toward me at the altar."

- "The first and every time we make love."

- "I can't believe how lucky I am to have the woman of my dreams.  I cherish every moment of every day that I'm with her."

 

Finding 4: Being Married Has Its Perks

- Infidelity is not a challenge most married couples face according to the survey: When asked to choose from a list of challenges experienced while married, "buying a new home" was noted as a challenge by 55% of respondents making it the most popular answer while "infidelity" was at the bottom of the list at 13%.

 

- Women are funnier than their husbands expected at the start of their union: 47% of men said their wives' sense of humour is "better than expected."

 

- When asked to choose from a list of things they miss from when they were single including "being more adventurous sexually," "living by my own rules" and "dating," men and women said "nothing at all" most often (41%).

 

 

Survey findings can be found in The 7 Stages of Marriage (12/28/06, $25.95, ISBN: 0-7621-0725-1). Additionally, visit the Love Channel at http://www.RD.com  to read the full survey results, take a quiz to determine what stage your marriage is in, watch video, and get personal advice from co-author and marriage therapist Rita DeMaria Ph.D. RD.com will also feature marriage-building exercises, polls, and daily tips on marriage and other relationship topics. The February issue of Reader's Digest, on newsstands January 23, will feature excerpts from the book.

 

* The Reader's Digest Marriage Survey was an independent survey of men and women conducted online between 2/10/06 and 2/24/06. Survey respondents were married and age 18+.

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News & Info

Father of all Mix ups

 

 

But how many times does it happen ?

 

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21103431-2,00.html
_________________________________________________________

Dads in Distress in conjunction with the Child Support Agency will be holding an open forum and information night on the new child support changes (Parkinson Report) this coming Tuesday night (30th January 2007) at St Michael's Catholic School in the main school hall (20 North St NOWRA) at 7pm.

 

This is a must for any one who is unsure of how these changes may affect or benefit them, or to inquire on ones own circumstances etc. 

 

Everyone is welcome to attend.

Light refreshments available on the night.

 

For more information please contact,

David Simister (dids NOWRA)

 04127 99981

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with men, either individually or in groups.

 

The training course focuses on:

*       exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on men's personal and family relationships

*       exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men's lives

*       the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality in relationships

*       the changing male social and work-related roles

*       the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural issues

*       exploring the challenges when providing support services for men

 

To register:   

To obtain an application form for this training, call Training Program at Burnside on 02 9843 6200 or email training@burnside.org.au  or visit the web site on www.burnside.org.au  and follow the prompts to Resources and Training.

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Dad's Prayer

 

Dear God

 

Well this seems to be a pretty tall order;

All this Dad Stuff talk about

Dad's being an endless resource

of ideas and inspiration.

That seems impossible to me!

I don't have an endless resource of ideas and inspiration

for my own life, let alone my

 children's lives ...

What did you say??

 

'With man this is impossible

but with God nothing is impossible!'

 

Well I guess that's why

I'm talking to you.

To pull this one off,

I need all the help I can get.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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